How to Navigate Challenging Comments About Egg Donation

Published on Thursday September 29th, 2022 by WCED

Although egg donation is not a new topic, reproductive technology, or method of modern family building, it’s a concept that many people know very little about. Either that or their perceptions of egg donation have been skewed by myths and misconceptions. This can sometimes result in people making comments or asking questions that are insensitive to those using an egg donor to have a child.

Some examples of these comments and questions include:

  • “So, the baby isn’t actually yours?”
  • “Why don’t you just adopt instead?”
  • “That sounds expensive, are you sure it’s worth it?”
  • “Sometimes women get pregnant when they relax and stop worrying about getting pregnant. Have you tried relaxing?”
  • “Will the baby even look like you?”

Even though these comments and questions typically stem from a lack of awareness and not a place of malice, they can have a deeply emotional and hurtful impact on intended parents. Although our culture has come a long way in understanding, acknowledging, and accepting that there are many ways in which a family can grow, it doesn’t change the fact that pockets of misinformation can and do drive people’s perceptions. Unfortunately, basic facts and tact can sometimes get lost in translation during these conversations.

This can be a difficult burden for anyone using egg donation to have a baby. On top of dealing with the stress of fertility care, these challenging conversations can cast a shadow of disappointment and isolation, especially if they’re coming from those who are closest to you. If you are building your family via egg donation and find yourself dealing with a regular onslaught of challenging comments and questions, here are some tips on how to navigate them.

Decide Who (and What) You Are Comfortable With

When it comes to sharing sensitive details about topics like fertility and egg donation, you are in charge of who you want to disclose information to and what. If there are people in your life who you’re not fully comfortable sharing details with, that is perfectly OK. Or, alternatively, you can choose to talk to them about certain aspects of your fertility journey, but not everything. This is your journey and it’s up to you to invite people at your discretion.

Once you’ve decided who you want to share details with, you’ll hopefully have a core group of people with who you feel comfortable talking. Ideally, the members of this group will be open to learning about egg donation, if they’re not already familiar.

Plan Some Go-To Responses Ahead of Time

If you anticipate that you might get some pushback or insensitivity when discussing using an egg donor, it can be helpful to have some go-to responses ready. Here are some polite but firm ways to shift the conversation:

  • “I appreciate your perspective, but we’re content with our family-building plans and are excited to become parents!”
  • “I’m not really the best person to explain all of this, but I’m happy to provide some educational resources for you to learn more about egg donation.”
  • “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic at this time, but I will let you know if anything changes.”

For more information about navigating all aspects of the egg donation journey, contact West Coast Egg Donation today.